I have a bad memory at the best of times. It gets worse when I engage in many activities at once. Its as if, in order to release processing capacity to engage in complex activities, my brain chooses to jettison memory.
Inevitably, my memory disability gets me into trouble. The other evening, a teaching colleague whom I respect greatly, phoned to say that she would be absent the next day. Could I pass a message on to my wife, who handles teacher absences in my school.
I thanked her for the notice and promised to pass it on. Of course, no sooner had the phone been returned to its cradle, I had forgotten. Next morning, in a moment of great panic, I realised I had forgotten and passed the message on, only just in time for a substitute teacher to be arranged.
My emotional reaction was extraordinary. I burst into tears. Of all the people I would never want to let down, this teacher was one. And the late notice put pressure on everyone in the process. But my mind went to the "what if" of having forgotten completely. A class without a teacher, the teacher panicking when called about their absence. The whole scenario overwhelmed me.
In a contemplative moment I reflected on how shitty I felt. Not discomfort, tiredness or pain - just plain shitty. And it didn't leave quickly.
Which led me to think what was going on, biologically. Loyalty to others is vital to maintain a community of humans. We would not be able to maintain large complex societies if it were not so. We develop, over our life, the capacity and framework for loyalty - and the main driver is pain and feeling shitty. Thus, the "silver lining" on this inherited behaviour is that it keeps is together.
This is not "Pollyanna" thinking. The good feeling we get is when we are valued and we value others. It would not be possible to have this without the shitty side, not because without contrast there is no definition, but by the mechanism that uses "feeling bad" to ensure that we have an opportunity to "feel good".
I can see natural extrapolations of this thesis. Without disgust, we would be happy to live in our own shit and hence lose the opportunity of ever "smelling the roses". Without pain, we would not be warned of life-threatening consequences of certain behaviour. Without despair, we would never value any system of thinking or moral position.
To say it another way - but for the mechanism of our minds that gives us pain, despair and disgust, we would never, as a species, arrive at a point where the beauty we see in our world would be physically possible. We would only be rats.
The next time you feel shitty, down, despairing or disgusted, don't turn to God and ask to be delivered from it - take out your Beethoven and play it and realise that, without what you feel now, none of the glory of what you hear would have been possible.
4 comments:
Hey Mr Flea I've been longing for another post here, may there be many more.
I think you're absolutely right. Your loyalty leads you to feel bad when you hurt someone or let them down. People who don't feel this are called psychpaths and they do incredible damage to their communities.
I think Beethoven is optional though.
It's interesting tho' to look at the evolution of loyalty - from the loyalty of thieves (ie mutual fear, back the alpha till he looks like failing then pick a new winner so you dont get torn apart) vs loyalty based on win-win (ie back the best hunter coz he brings home the bacon). One of the most profound aspects of Beethoven apart from the irony of such a supreme composer going deaf, is his way of creating serenity out of anger. Not optional!
Peronally I'd go for Crosby Stills and Nash and those beautiful harmonies.
Mozart over Beethoven. B is unsettling.
I like your blog, Uncle A, even though I disagree with most of what you write. ;) You should post more often.
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